Hegemony. From the Greek, for “leader”.

I’ve been writing a song, for about three years now, (this is completely normal for me) that will attempt to undermine our shameful Northern Hemisphere bias in matters of the heart. Consider:

the lusty month of May
that September in the rain
Though April showers may come your way, they bring the flowers that bloom in May.
A May – December romance
April is the cruellest month
The days grow short when you reach September

And so on. None of these are true where I, and billions of others, live. The days grow longer in September, and we’re at our lustiest in late November, just in time for office Christmas parties.  Most flowers are best composted in May.

Sometimes songs are more subtly Hemispherist:

Waxing down our surfboards, we can’t wait for June.
As cold as Christmas

Actually, that last Christmas one is pretty well appreciated.  There are dozens of Hemispherist Christmas songs, even Berlin’s White Christmas, which is about missing New York snow while in California.  Me, I don’t miss what I never had, and I have no idea what it’s like to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.

The standard Australian reponse to problems of this nature is to become unbearably ocker – hence, Six White Boomers, and what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden ute.  I’ve never done this either (I think I’d hate it), but there may be no need.  This year, there are hopeful signs. 

Radio stations have discovered Paul Kelly’s How to Make Gravy, an effortlessly Australian Christmas song which did not win my heart because Joe is in jail and misses his kids.  No, I love it because Joe uses the expression “a hundred degrees”.  You have to be an Aussie to know that some older expressions refuse to go metric.

And Tim Minchin has written a song, as carefully ramshackle as his hair, which starts out in very Minchinesque territory before doing a nice turn in reminding all assembled about secular families and sunshine.  Onya, Tim.

Killing In the Name Of kept an X Factor winner from the UK’s Number One spot this week, and RATM plan to donate their proceeds to a homelessnes charity.  Tim is donating all December proceeds from this song to Autism research, so if you’re looking for a less conformist non-conformism, and you feel like undermining a hegemony this Christmas, you might like to buy Tim’s song. 

Or write your own, with no snow.


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