1. Invent Metaphors That Don’t Withstand Close Scrutiny
These should appear deep and thoughtful, but only for a moment:
I am in the of your acceptance.
“I am happy in the glow of your acceptance” is no good, because it’s trite and it sort of makes sense. Try “I am lost in the chasm of your acceptance”, or I am dying in the arms of your acceptance”. The effect you’re aiming for is one of “Man, yes, that is so true … wait. What?”
2. Use Lots of Water Imagery
This is sad, because of Buckley’s untimely death, but waves, rivers, drops, rain, drownings and trickles are all your friends.
3. Startle With One Earthy Word
A phrase like this:
Took my hand, and led me to your …
Should end with? No, not “room”, not “love”. You want:
Took my hand, and led me to your sex.
4. Go For The Straight-up Paradox
See it clearly with blinded eyes.
Ignorant in the knowledge of your …
Freeze, freeze in that sunshine.
5. Embrace Useful Words
crystal, pure, child, swim, wave, movement, feel, touch, we, you, dying
6. Avoid the Not so Useful
leather, helicopter, politics, lawnmower, funny, laugh, happy
I’ve saved this one for last because it’s the most important.
7. Treat Every Casual Encounter As An Apocalypse
A woman needs to feel like She Is The One, so don’t patronise her with nonsense like “We move to the bed, we know tonight will be special”. Ewww. Instead, try something like:
Tumbling through the waves of your kisses,
Pure and crystal your skin,
Again it comes, this knowing, this knowing,
In a sleep so deep I was awake.
Then buy an umbrella, my friend, because it’s about to rain chicks.